A word I never wanted to learn about
Infidelity. Let me explain.
Today is January 16th…an important date in my history. My brain remembers dates…and phone numbers…but dates mostly. Important dates. Significant dates. Life changing dates. And January 16, 2002 is one of those dates. It is the day I learned my ex-husband was cheating on me, and my world as I knew it turned upside down. And 9 years later, I wouldn’t trade that experience for the world.
Infidelity is an ugly word. If signifies a broken trust, a broken faith, a broken marriage. And broken people. And I was broken. Devastated. I felt like a failure. I took the vows I made before God, family and friends very seriously. No matter what happened, I was staying in my marriage. I tried. Until April 12, when I knew it was over. We were in therapy, but it was doing no good. He wouldn’t give her up. April 12 is the day my family came to pick me up and take me home. Home to live with my Mom and Dad until I could get on my feet. During this time, I lost 20 pounds off my 135lb 5’7″ frame. It was bad. Therapy was in order, and my parents? They were a Godsend. I would wake up in the middle of the night, crying, and crawl downstairs and into bed with them for comfort. I’m not ashamed to admit it. I needed them. I needed help. And they provided help like the rock star parents that they are. Seriously? My parents kick ass.
It took a while–a long while–and lots of therapy–but I landed on my feet. I gained the weight back. I got a new job. I got my own apartment. I supported myself. I was independent and succeeding. I was happy. And that’s when I met the mister…which is a story for another time.
Infidelity has taught me a lot. It has taught me to be strong. It has taught me that it is OK to be weak–as long as you seek help. It has shown me what my breaking point is. It has given me a more open mind. It has made me a better wife. It has shown me just how much I can handle. It brought me closer to my family. It has taught me forgiveness. I’ve forgiven my ex-husband. I recognize that marriage is a two way street. I’m not saying it’s OK to bring another person into your marriage–because it’s not–but it is essential that you stay engaged in your marriage. I missed the signs.
I sincerely hope that no one ever has to go through infidelity. It’s a brutal experience. But if you do, I’m here to listen. Because I’ve been there, and no one understands the pain like someone who has gone through it.
6 Comments
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How I Met the Mister | The Mrs and The Mister — February 14, 2011 @ 6:38 pm
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By sarah, January 16, 2011 @ 10:14 am
I am sorry you had to go through that. It is a nasty word, that has effected my life. My dad committed it when I was 6, and ended up leaving my mom for his mistress. They have been married for 22 years, and now? Getting a divorce. I think a relationship that starts on lies is doomed.
Anyway, I love you! and am glad you have met a wonderful Mister!
By LCW, January 16, 2011 @ 10:35 am
thank you for sharing your story, you ARE a strong woman.
By mrsandmister, January 16, 2011 @ 11:20 am
I'm sorry you had to endure that as I child. I've always been thankful that I didn't have children with my ex. And yes, a relationship based on lies is not stable at all. I love you too!!
By mrsandmister, January 16, 2011 @ 11:21 am
Thanks love!
By Suz, January 16, 2011 @ 11:10 pm
Go you for putting it out there. I'm so sorry you had to go through it & that 1/16 is a rough day. I'm so glad your story has a happy ending with your mister. Much love.