Indecision
If you’ve been reading for a while or following me on Twitter, you know about my fertility issues. For a refresher, you can click here.
As you all know, we kept our nephew Friday night. He’s 4 months old, and I thought it would be a good experience for us to get a glimpse into the reality of parenthood. Yes, I know, one night is nothing, but we’ve never kept a baby that cute, squishy, adorable, little before. Our nieces were 2 & 3 when they started spending the night with us. They could feed themselves and they slept through the night. They could tell us what was wrong. They needed diaper changes, but those weren’t that bad. Well, there was ONE time—that diaper had to go to the dumpster immediately. Anyway, my point is, we jumped in with both feet with my nephew and we survived. I feel like we got a real taste of parenthood. I also learned that even though the mister has no experience around babies, he’s really good at following directions, he wants to help and learn, and we make a good team.
Fast forward to last night. I attended a baby shower for a co-worker. While there, I was asked no fewer than 5 times when I was going to have a baby. Awkward! Who asks that?? One lady went on to ask how long I’ve been married and how old I am (in front of everyone)…because those are barometers for when it’s time to get KTFU you know. Should I have mentioned that I’m infertile and shut her up? Maybe. But this was a baby shower, and we were there to celebrate Mom, Dad and Baby, not to discuss my lack of reproductive powers. So my answer? Maybe someday. Someday.
These two incidents have sparked a lot of thoughts. I have no idea where my head is right now with regards to becoming a mom. I like my life. I like that it’s just me and the mister. I like that I can take off to Raleigh for a weekend and not have to worry about a child. I like that we can hop in the car and go to wineries in the area if we want. I like the freedom that we have. I love kids, I’m just not sure if I’m ready for my own. And I’m not sure I could handle the roller coaster of adoption. Maybe God knew exactly what He was doing, and He has answered my prayers. Am I ready to see His answer?
I’m in limbo, and I have no idea where I’m going to end up.
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Decision | The Mrs and The Mister — August 25, 2010 @ 8:08 pm
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By Suz B, July 14, 2010 @ 4:15 pm
I know this has had to be so tough for yall. Glad you're working through your thoughts with your hubby as well as writing them out. Hugs! Hope all your hopes, dreams, & prayers are realized & answered soon.
By alena, July 14, 2010 @ 6:51 pm
This made me tear up. Because…well because I love you and I think you rock. And I am sad that you have to think about things like this, but I am happy for you that you ARE really thinking about things like this. I don’t know what you are going to do, what you should do, and I have no opinion on what you should do with your girlie bits, reproductive system, or room in your house….but I think you are awesome no matter what path you take.
By sarah, July 15, 2010 @ 4:47 am
Hugs to you and your husband. I hate infertility and what it has put you through.
Sometimes getting it out there can help you come to some sort of decision. In whatever you do, you will be supporting by your family and friends.
By Katherine in VA, July 15, 2010 @ 8:00 am
I hate infertility. Nothing pisses me off more. I'm kind of in the same spot as you…I'm really enjoying time with Shon right now, so I've got all kinds of confusing thoughts in my head. You're right though…God does have it all in control.
By mrsandmister, July 25, 2010 @ 3:59 pm
You are all wonderful and supportive. Thank you so much.